Sometimes as artists we need to ask for signs that we’re doing the right thing. I mean some people get their evaluations every six months or so. Musicians get our feedback and evaluation every time we play a gig or someone buys a cd. Yet, somehow we know by how many hearts we touched, fans hugged, comments left on our wall.
Recently I was playing for a Native American flutes festival in Tucson, AZ. I had stayed with friends a few nights, played at the local Hospice, Peppis House on the Tucson Medical Center campus and prepped for a workshop and performance that Saturday. I ask for signs that am doing the thing I’m supposed to be doing this time around and that I’m connecting with listeners of my music. I was in a strange place in the sense that I know people expect some validation from me and often want to know what “drives the real Randy” or get the to the non-public side of me. It usually ends in them getting defensive, hostile or surrendering. Somehow we successful musicians are sometimes held to an idealized standard that can make us feel extra cautious, self-conscious or like we’d “better not fuck up” or they may not by my cd’s or come to gigs.
So I had some uncomfortable conversations with a fellow who wanted to know the “real” me and what I was “really” about not the version presented to the world. I told him he was trying too hard to make "Diamonds from Nachos." I think the presumption is that is a Wizard behind the scenes. Sure there is a source behind my music but it ‘s just that I’m allowing enough to hear the stream. Anyway, I left my friends and was feeling unsettled and insecure.
Thenext day.I asked Creator for a sign that my music matters, that it’s about more than just making enough to pay the taxes, car payment, insurance, house payment etc. I noticed then that my gas gauge was lower than I thought. Iplugged in fuel into my GPS and turned onoff into the San Xavier Indian Reservation. After many long miles feeling lost I found a place and pulled in. There were two Rez Dogs at the door of the store pacing back and forth. They looked hungry but relaxed. It was like they trusted eventually someone would feed them some scraps and were content. I laughed recognizing the metaphor there that all my needs as an entertainer are based also on the kindness of strangers. Not in a pathetic way, but in a real way that if people connect with your art, your music, your spirit, they want to hear more or support what you offer. It’s that simple. And you, as the musician must give 100% every single time, never phoning in a gig, never using it as a rehearsal or throwaway and no matter how you feel—give way way more than you think you are getting paid to do.
The other sign was just as I left the boundaries of the San Xavier reservation where many of the Tohono O’odham Indians live, suddenly two Coopers Hawks came along my passenger window, flew with me a few yards, flew in front of my windshield before banking upwards towards the desert. I was so stunned as I didn’t know what was going on and if the window had been open they would have flown right into my cab. Immediately I knew what that was about. I was so grateful for the sign that yes I matter, my music matters, I’m on the right path. I used this story in my workshop called “Finding the spirit of the song” and had the participants help me write a song about my experiences that morning. They were just amazing how they understood what I was doing.
Really, I was just so impressed with their participation and intelligent feedback that I knew I had been given the exact signs to help them and me. To know we are that supported as artists is such a gift. It’s really not about the money, the record label, the merch sales or crowd size. No, it is really about connecting to each heart and listening and each soul present.
I have many performance dates upcoming. Please bookmark this page or my website and feel free to share it with your friends on Facebook, Twitter and friend and family.
Randy